We’ve been together for close to a month, however I’ve been feeling so distant from you ever since yesterday’s outing. Despite numerous efforts to communicate, I was stuck with nothing but more questions. Questions in which I can never solve and answer, yet I could only bear them and take them in.

I was hoping things are moving smoothly despite the quickened pace that our relationship had developed into. I’m feeling so insecure and unsettled for the first time ever since we’ve been together. I’m unable to know what you are thinking nor am I able to feel what you’ve been feeling.

It just seemed to me that I’m losing you so soon after having you. I don’t think I’m able to concentrate on my work for now. Just misses you and hopes everything is just nothing but me being paranoid.

After reading what you’ve wrote to me, I was extremely touched but I’m very afraid of losing you as well. I’m afraid that if the relationship doesn’t work out, I will not only lose you as my boyfriend, but also someone who’s so important in my life.

Coming out to you meant that I could relate to you anything, and I need to be very sure that you are not in a confused state when we start the relationship. I know that when the warm fuzzy feeling comes, you just wanna jump head in first, but you will get hurt real bad if things don’t turn out right. I just can’t bear to see you getting hurt in the process.

I really hope that it isn’t the confusion that made you think this way, or rather you’re really really sure of what you’re getting into. Little did I know that it was so tormenting for you upon my confession and I’m unsure of what I should do to calm you down. I hope that I can help you solve your state of confusion soon and we can get our answers before our trip.

I’m so confused now, constantly thinking about you and I can’t really concentrate in my revision..

I’ve never felt so alone in my life right now.

Major changes are happening around me this year and I’m beginning to fear the passing of every moment. Harsh reality sets in real fast and deep into my life, and before I knew it, it starts to revolve again.

Why does “life” constantly make fun of me? As pathetic as I am, I fear loneliness, yet I seek solace in solitude. No one had truly understood me..

I guess maybe I’d always wanted acceptance, but not in this very situation that I’ve put myself in right now. Many things occurred recently and those important people in my life had not been spared from the ever changing issues that I’m facing either, but life still moves on even before comprehending them.

Unfairness seems to be the only word that fits the bill. For my entire life, I thought that if those important people in my life are able to accept me for who I am, I might get happier. Unfortunately, what it seemed to have grown were walls upon the truth and revelations, constraining both parties.

The inability to pick myself up from where I’d fell left me pretty much impaired, resulting in this messy situation.

For now, maybe a little indulgence to let my emotions run, or just a shoulder to lean on, might help alleviate my feelings.